Allah (swt) says: “Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.” Hadith Qudsi.
That, is nothing short of apt in describing what happened to me last Ramdhan. I had been facing a lot of personal hardships at that point in time. You could say that for a whole year, I was like a soulless ghost roaming around, wasting my days in idle contemplation. Growing up, I was Muslim but I hadn’t realised that despite practicing the rituals of being Muslim, I hadn’t truly understood the meaning of being Muslim. And that is why it was so easy for me to waver.
Last year’s Ramdhan transformed me. I decided I had enough of all the bullshit in life and I realised that all that time, I was looking in the wrong direction. Ironically I entered that Ramdhan not knowing what to feel. I wasn’t excited but I wasn’t dreading it either. It was sort of like surrender. Would this be an appropriate time to use the word “redha”? I think so. I entered the month surrendering myself… To what? Well, at that time I didn’t consciously know. But I surrendered myself to God… If he still wanted me.
I was sick of drowning and desperately wanted to feel his presence again. I made the decision to come home for dinner and prayers with my family every day. And MashaAllah, that really helped. Do not underestimate the power of Family! And the terawihs and qiyams… What can I say? When you pray alongside that many people, and immerse yourself in the magnificent words of the Quran, so magnificent and truthful you know it had to come from beyond this world, especially in the dead of night, when it’s quiet, dark, peaceful, and it starts to rain, you’d be moved to tears. You’d wish you’d never come out of that state of absolute peace and humility. It feels like you’re in a natural state of being. No words can describe. This is what I look forward to in every Ramdhan.
I read up on the life of our dear prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and I fell in love with his example and I fell in love with God. I understood then why it was that God sent a man (and the most perfect example) to guide the whole of humanity. Everything made sense. That Ramdhan, I woke up one morning and put on the hijab like it was the most natural thing to do in the world. And the peace that I felt in my heart was so overwhelming. I had never felt it before in my life.
Ramdhan: indeed it is the month of forgiveness. The fact that all that happened really humbled me. I felt unworthy of God’s mercy and forgiveness and yet, he showed me the way. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said “God is more loving and kinder than a mother to her dear child.” Can you imagine? MashaAllah.
They say Ramdhan is the most blessed month. The month many are transformed and receive enlightenment. I agree. It’s nothing short of magical, if only you grab the opportunities to discover the magic. Seek, and you shall find! 🙂